Shoot for the Moon

After reading my post about attempting to live happily in the moment, my friend Carolyn Howard-Johnson asked me to talk about regrets. Okay, so some Elvis Presley lyrics come to mind..."Regrets, I've had a few."

Interestingly, I can't think of specifics at this writing. But I can talk in generalities. I regret that for so many years I allowed fear to stop me or slow down my progress.

I used to be afraid of much—mostly the opinions of others. Oh and yes, speaking in public was another one, which included articulating my opinions or ideas. My body had an intense reaction to being in front of others (uncontrollable shaking, rapid heart beat, wobbly voice, scrambled brain) and so I avoided it.

Today, I encourage you to think about what stops you from shooting for your moon. In 2000, I took care of one of my fears and joined Toastmasters. Since then, many of my other fears—the debilitating ones...the ones that stopped me from being proactive—have melted away.

Start with one. I think you'll be surprised how far the first step takes you!

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
allyn at suddenlink.net

Shoot for the Moon

I love this quotation by motivational speaker, Les Brown: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”

I've used this quotation as a theme for presentations. I recently revisited Brown's words and others while preparing for a presentation I will doing this weekend at the Girl Scout sponsored Teens and Tweens Conference in Edmond, OK.

Here are a few good ones I've heard or read over the years:

1. There are always things you can do to improve your life and your circumstances. Always.

2. Author Richard Carlson tells us: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…because it’s all small stuff.

3. Not everyone will like you.

4. Somebody will always be prettier and smarter than you.

5 The greatest gift you can give yourself is to discover your talents, gifts and strengths and then, polish them.

I'll end with another favorite by Shad Helmstetter. "It isn’t the big choices we make that have the greatest impact on our lives; it’s usually the smallest choices we make that affect us the most."

http://www.allynevans.com/
http://www.allynevans.blogspot.com/

Abracadabra. They've Put a Spell on You!

In keeping with the recent theme...

Hocus Pocus. Abracadabra. Remind you a little of Practical Magic? Witchcraft. Trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Forgive the drama, but unfortunately it’s true. Spells exist. Big spells. Little spells. We live in a world where spells are cast and someone falls prey.

You are probably right now under the influence of more than one spell.

Take a breath—it’s not life threatening. But it is serious. According to one of my favorite authors, Caroline Myss, a spell is a mental lock-in. She explained to her Hay House radio listening audience: “What if someone says, ‘You look terrible today?’ You accept the spell. Voilà. You feel terrible all day.”

Mrs. Middleton taught me speech and typing in high school. One day I wore a black t-shirt with jeans to school. She pulled me aside. “Allyn, I must tell you. You look sick when you wear black. Never wear black near your face.” Do I wear black against my face now? Do I have to tell you the answer to that question?

A spell is like a superstition:
“I can’t lose weight.”
“I can’t succeed.”
“I’m stupid.”

Here’s the deal. You have locked into a false belief. FALSE. A superstition. Did a black cat just walk underneath the ladder? Did you break a mirror? You now have seven years of bad luck.

I cringed as I listened to Caroline. Thinking I don’t look good in black. Spell. Believing women over 40 can’t lose weight. Spell.

Here’s what is not a spell: I am five feet, three inches tall. Here’s another … I was born in New Orleans.

Spellcasters don’t have to be witches either. It can be Ms. Middleton, my well-intentioned high school teacher, who was only trying to help. It can be your mom. Your best friend. Your spouse. Spellcasters can have your best interest at heart. Really. Or so they think.

Recently my husband and I attended a school event. We ate lunch with our daughter. Her friend’s parents couldn’t come, and we invited the child to join us. We laughed. Joked. Then it was time to leave.

Later that evening my daughter reported, “Sylvia told me some things about you.” “What?” I asked. You know about curiosity and the cat.

“She said dad is bald and you are a little wide in the hips.” Ouch. Cats are part of spell casting magic. And to think I had been feeling pretty good about my appearance. As much as I tried not to let them, the spell of a nine-year-old girl’s words stung. A child speaks, and I ask, “Are my hips that wide?”

The reality is…spells are cast all the time. Ricocheting from parents, friends, teachers, magazines, movies, commercials, the culture itself—you know, groupthink—and most of us are immediately spellbound.



Hollywood casts spells. TV casts spells. Fashion casts spells. Let’s talk about the popular TV reality show What Not To Wear. Hosts Jillian Hamilton and Clinton Kelly grab unsuspecting victims turned in by friends or family who are only trying to help. Jillian and Clinton give it to them about their lack of fashion sense.

And Jillian and Clinton are NOT nice. They put Little Janie in a room with surround mirrors. Talk about my worst nightmare. They have Little Janie try on her awful clothes and tell her why she looks so terrible. They then send spellstung Little Janie off with $5,000 to get her new look.

When she returns, Janie is told why everything she selected using their rules and expert advice works for her. “See Janie. The flared leg is so much more slimming.” Little Janie, who is now smiling and so pleased with her self, nods in agreement. “Remember those slim cut jeans you used to own. You know the ones we threw in the trash? They made you look 10 pounds heavier.”

Scriiiiitch. Slim cut jeans are back! What does Little Janie do now? Little Janie looks fat in slim cut jeans. The spell has been cast. And the spell has been accepted. How can Janie believe anything else? The famous TV Fashion People told her she looked fat in slim cut jeans.

Even though I don’t know a spell to counter a spell, I do know a place to begin—a way to stop at least one spell. It’s black-t-shirt-buying time. That’s what time it is. And after that it’s time to wear my black t-shirt. And you know what? I’m going to look damn good in it too. Poof. Spell be gone.

http://www.allynevans.com/
http://www.happilyeveraftertoday.blogspot.com/
http://www.thealertparent.blogspot.com/

My Favorite Dress

"When I'm trusting and being myself as fully as possible, everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously."
Shakti Gawain

“Homer, I was born for this. It shouldn’t surprise you that you were born for it too.” Rising up quickly, I ran to the TV and yelled at Homer’s Dad, “Have you lost your mind? Are you crazy?”

As the scene unfolded, Homer returned to the coal mines. Dejected. Sad. With his face covered in black soot, the son joined the other lifers on the elevator and descended into hell. Shaking my head, I sat back down to continue watching a rerun of the movie October Sky.

The story made me think about my own life. No, I never ended up shoveling coal, but I listened to what all the adults in my life said. Even sadder, I believed them—so much so that I ignored my own desires and intuition. Turning away from myself, I grew into an unsure adolescent taking my clues about how I should behave from others. Without a clear direction of my own, I lost myself.

In October Sky, Homer lost his way too. The analytical, scientific-minded son was different from his family. Homer didn’t quite fit. Turns out, I didn’t fit either. I changed myself to suit the pre-cut pattern—the one bought at the fabric store before I was born. The pattern was perfect. The pieces were carefully sewn and I was asked to wear it. The dress was pastel with pink flowers and a lace collar. But I yearned for a different dress, one made out of velvet and covered in dark, vibrant purples, gold and black hues. I ended up wearing the pastel dress for most of my life. By the time I allowed myself to wear the dress I desired, it didn’t fit anymore.

My five-year-old self recognized a problem. At least my subconscious mind did and tried to warn me in my dreams. Nightly, my reoccurring nightmare frightened me. Walking down a narrow shrinking hallway, I found myself trapped. At the end of the hall I discovered a locked door. Banging frantically on the door, I screamed: “Let me out! Please, let me out.”

The dream told the story. With each passing day I would shrink, becoming less of the person I was destined to be. Locked out, I would remain small, contained and not myself. With each step, I hid the shadow parts and became someone that I was not. For survival purposes, those parts had to disappear. It was more important to be a good little girl than to be myself. And, who I was, by my very nature and the place I found myself, wasn’t quite right. My parents, family and friends were victims too. They all bought into the cultural belief that I had to be trained in order to fit, just as they themselves had been trained.

Not too long ago, I watched the 2006 American Idol winner sing on the Ellen DeGeneris Show. From the first time I saw Fantasia Barrino perform, I recognized the talent she possessed. During her appearance on Ellen’s show, Fantasia shared, “I’m happy that people like me being me!” And, that’s when I finally got it. The most important thing for us to do is to be ourselves while having the courage to live an authentic life. That’s the key that unravels everything—peace, joy, abundance, health.

Sappy movies always have a happy ending and the one featuring Homer was no different. The young man held on to his beliefs and took a stand. Homer eventually said to his Dad, “The coal mine is your life. It’s not mine.” And so now I, too, know the truth. My favorite dress is made of velvet and it’s time to make one that fits and start wearing it.

www.allynevans.com
www.queenpower.com
www.myjourneytothequeendom.blogspot.com

Not Barbie: Not Married to Ken

It was something Monique Marvez, author of Not Skinny, Not Blonde, said that got me going on this Not Barbie: Not Married to Ken kick. It's a new presentation/keynote I deliver and certainly will generate an article or two!

Back to the title...It is so true. Just like Monique, I always wanted to be skinny. I always wanted to be blonde. And I always wanted to have blue-eyes. But also like Monique, God made me different. Brunette, brown-eyed and chunky. Yep, God made me someone else all right. Even worse, I didn't like who He had made. Imagine the audacity of that line of thinking! But I hated her. I fussed at her often. Nope, I was not nice to her, which of course didn't help me feel good or make forward progress in my life.

It took me years to figure out the key to accepting myself. The gist of the lesson: Focus on what's important. Guess what? Focusing on your outward appearance or what others think is NOT the answer—and is actually a first-class ride to misery. My new plan worked. As soon as I changed my focus, my life changed too. Now I can proudly say while finding joy in its meaning, I am...'Not Barbie: Not Married to Ken. I am ME.'"

http://www.allynevans.com/
http://www.queenpower.com/
http://www.talkingallthingswrite.blogspot.com/