I decided to re-publish one of my favorites. Enjoy.

Hocus Pocus. Abracadabra. Remind you a little of Practical Magic? Witchcraft. Trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Forgive the drama, but unfortunately it’s true. Spells exist. Big spells. Little spells. We live in a world where spells are cast and someone falls prey.

You are probably right now under the influence of more than one spell.

Take a breath—it’s not life threatening. But it is serious. According to Caroline Myss a spell is a mental lock-in. She explained to her Hay House radio listening audience: “What if someone says, ‘You look terrible today?’ You accept the spell. Voilà. You feel terrible all day.”

Mrs. Middleton taught me speech and typing in high school. One day I wore a black t-shirt with jeans to school. She pulled me aside. “Allyn, I must tell you. You look sick when you wear black. Never wear black near your face.” Do I wear black against my face now? Do I have to tell you the answer to that question?

A spell is like a superstition:
“I can’t lose weight.”
“I can’t succeed.”
“I’m stupid.”

Here’s the deal. You have locked into a false belief. FALSE. A superstition. Did a black cat just walk underneath the ladder? Did you break a mirror? You now have seven years of bad luck.

I cringed as I listened to Caroline. Thinking I don’t look good in black. Spell. Believing women over 40 can’t lose weight. Spell.

Here’s what is not a spell: I am five feet, three inches tall. Here’s another … I was born in New Orleans.

Spellcasters don’t have to be witches either. It can be Ms. Middleton, my well-intentioned high school teacher, who was only trying to help. It can be your mom. Your best friend. Your spouse. Spellcasters can have your best interest at heart. Really. Or so they think.

Recently my husband and I attended a school event. We ate lunch with our daughter. Her friend’s parents couldn’t come, and we invited the child to join us. We laughed. Joked. Then it was time to leave.

Later that evening my daughter reported, “Sylvia told me some things about you.” “What?” I asked. You know about curiosity and the cat.

“She said dad is bald and you are a little wide in the hips.” Ouch. Cats are part of spell casting magic. And to think I had been feeling pretty good about my appearance. As much as I tried not to let them, the spell of a nine-year-old girl’s words stung. A child speaks, and I ask, “Are my hips that wide?”

The reality is…spells are cast all the time. Ricocheting from parents, friends, teachers, magazines, movies, commercials, the culture itself—you know, groupthink—and most of us are immediately spellbound.



Hollywood casts spells. TV casts spells. Fashion casts spells. Let’s talk about the popular TV reality show What Not To Wear. Hosts Jillian Hamilton and Clinton Kelly grab unsuspecting victims turned in by friends or family who are only trying to help. Jillian and Clinton give it to them about their lack of fashion sense.

And Jillian and Clinton are NOT nice. They put Little Janie in a room with surround mirrors. Talk about my worst nightmare. They have Little Janie try on her awful clothes and tell her why she looks so terrible. They then send spellstung Little Janie off with $5,000 to get her new look.

When she returns, Janie is told why everything she selected using their rules and expert advice works for her. “See Janie. The flared leg is so much more slimming.” Little Janie, who is now smiling and so pleased with her self, nods in agreement. “Remember those slim cut jeans you used to own. You know the ones we threw in the trash? They made you look 10 pounds heavier.”

Scriiiiitch. Slim cut jeans are back! What does Little Janie do now? Little Janie looks fat in slim cut jeans. The spell has been cast. And the spell has been accepted. How can Janie believe anything else? The famous TV Fashion People told her she looked fat in slim cut jeans.

Even though I don’t know a spell to counter a spell, I do know a place to begin—a way to stop at least one spell. It’s black-t-shirt-buying time. That’s what time it is. And after that it’s time to wear my black t-shirt. And you know what? I’m going to look damn good in it too. Poof. Spell be gone.

Allyn Evans
www.liveapowerfullive.com
www.allynevans.com

Dumpy, Frumpy and Downright Lumpy

“What is it about this place?” I said to my sister who was visiting too.

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Do you feel as frumpy as I do?”

She nodded.

Just a few weeks previously I had been in New York City visiting her. I had even worn the same outfit I was wearing at the moment, except in New York I had dumbed it down a bit. I had added clunky jogging shoes, which I never do unless walking from here to kingdom come.

Also on that particular day I had added a top layer shorter than the under layer. It was colder than I had anticipated and my layering attempts were of a practical nature. Let’s just say that my “look” was interesting.

Not once while parading around the streets of Manhattan, whether in Madison Square, Midtown, SoHo, Chelsea or Greenwich Village did I feel frumpy or out of place or even worse…out of style. As a real test only the Universe can provide, I had proudly walked right past Clinton Kelly of “What Not to Wear” fame. Yes, the addition of the tennis shoes did give me pause as I strutted past him.

But not for one New York minute did I ever feel less than.

Sitting in the mecca of my youth, I felt dowdy, old-fashioned, outdated, oh yes and plain.

In my defense, these are feelings I typically don’t feel anymore. Normally, I don’t find myself sinking into the self-bashing place. As recently as a month ago, I believed I had made significant progress when it came to this self-love, self-acceptance issue. I still think there has been a shift. But obviously, there’s a little more transforming required to put these awful feelings to rest. Of course realizing I still had work to do was most irritating.

An hour later, I found myself in one of the boutiques purchasing new tops. Well, I could easily solve part of the problem.

The next day, members of my family all returned to the offending location. This time we were going to eat lunch. I felt much better. I had on the new top from the “right” store. Ahhhh. The frumps had disappeared. I still berated myself for weighing too much, but that’s a completely different story.

I hadn’t even noticed one of my cousins was wearing a tee-shirt—you know the kind of tee-shirt you wear to sleep in or wear to your child’s baseball game.

She complimented me on what I was wearing and then apologized for her outfit. “I can’t believe I forgot to pack something nice,” she said to me. “But thank goodness this is one of those places where it really doesn’t matter what you wear.”

My sister and I looked at each other. Okay, so we almost choked. Then we laughed.

My cousin. Well, she really meant it. She felt perfectly at home wearing a tee-shirt and jeans. And she also “looked” perfectly fine wearing her tee-shirt and jeans. We got it. Point made. High five the Universe that made it happen.

Turns out we were the fools. We were the ones that allowed our self-doubts and negative chatter to tell us we were somehow less than the “others” around us.

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/

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Dare to Pursue your Childhood Dreams

I couldn't resist including this article (with her permission, of course) by Christine Louise Hohlbaum published in her ezine: Powerful Families, Powerful Lives. Keep reading, you'll see why....

"What Dreams May Come (True)"

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do one thing every day that scares you." I don't think she was talking about cleaning out the shower drain when she said that. She was an advocate of character-building, a notable force at a time when women's rights were not what they are today.

Periodically, I measure my children's risk tolerance by asking them a simple question. "What scares you?" I typically get an answer about the boogie man who lurks in the dark or that German test coming up in school. But the other day, my affable nine-year-old daughter revealed an inner fear that surprised me. "I am afraid someone will get mad at me."

She'd rather do a ring-and-run by leaving a note of apology on her friend's front step than face the person head on. Her fear of rejection, a normal state of human experience, has come to pass.
Dreams can offset fears so, without trying to force my adult understanding of dreams on my kids, I also ask them what they would like to be when they grow up.

At present, my seven-year-old son would like to be a Judo master and a filmmaker. My daughter remains constant in her wish to be a riding instructor. They are too busy living their childhood to know they are also forming their dreams, the foundation on which the rest of their lives will be built.

Childhood dreams are the house where our souls reside. It is where we live in fearless possibility. It is sad to see paralyzing fear take over my kids, but it is also a necessary process for them to know what the opposite of fearless is. At age nine it never occured to me that I could fail, yet I see in my own daughter the belief that it might actually happen. I periodically get furious with the German school system that points out mistakes more than it celebrates what's right. At every opportunity I try to ask her "What was right about your day?"

What would our world be like if we looked towards the wins and used failure as a mere tool for course correction? What dreams may come true when we move out of burdensome fear and into the sparkling light of weightless courage?

Recently, I placed my hand into the grab bag of my dreams and pulled out "become an actor". At nearly 40, I giggled at the thought, then applied for the casting agency anyway. I promptly got two TV jobs in one week. It took a baby step to create a miracle. It wasn't hard, and it got me to thinking what other dreams I could fulfill.

What are your childhood dreams? Are you living them?

Do one thing that scares you today. It will broaden the circumference of your comfort zone just a little while creating another layer of miracles across the world. Your human potential is limitless. Reach for the stars, then tell us what happened! We'll be celebrating right there with you.

~~Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of the forthcoming Power of Slow: 101 Ways to Save Time in Our 24/7 World (fall 2009), Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff (2003) and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe (2005), has been published in hundreds of publications. When she isn't writing, leading intensive seminars or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site: http://t.ymlp88.com/bebaaauhuaiahjuafaubjs/click.php.

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
info at allynevans.com

Dare to Seek Out New Challenges

More feedback about this "Doing What Scares You" stuff.

I received a follow up letter from Beth Blair. Remember, she's the one who gave her icebreaker at a Toastmaster's club (1st speech) recently.

"It makes me think, what else can I do well? As I think about it, I realize there is a good chance there is plenty more out there and there are three main reasons I have not attempted to find them (whatever "they" are):

A. I don't believe I can
B. Someone told me I can't and I believed them
C. It never occurred to me to try

I feel like it's time to reassess my life and figure out what direction I'm supposed to go. This is such an exciting time!"

Beth, you've given me much to think about. Thanks for sharing. Would love to hear comments from you about your fears or what you are trying new in 2009.

I've linked you to this video before. It's a good one. If you've never stopped long enough to view it, you'll be glad you did. This is a YouTube video of Libby Saunter, first female, walking the slackline in the picture above.

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
info at allynevans.com

Dare to Be Brave

One night while watching TV, I landed on a reality-based show featuring three talented women who were vying for the title of being the best (in their field). To make it to the final competition, the women had to fly to Europe.

One contestant confessed that she was afraid to fly. Not willing to give up without trying, she made plans to make the trip. On the day of departure, she walked on board the plane, but that's all she could manage to do. Her fear of flying overwhelmed her and she exited the plane. Doing so meant she had to withdraw from the competition.

Watching the scene broke my heart. And I'm sure it broke hers too.

In 2000, I had a fear that stopped me. It was the fear of speaking in public. To cure myself, I joined Toastmasters and eventually (let's just say it didn't happen overnight) solved my problem.

My cyberfriend Beth Blair (Desert Mama) confessed to me not too long ago that she had a similar fear. Here's her latest report:

"I gave my first speech last night and I did GREAT! I was so so nervous driving there but when I got up to speak I felt okay. Then after the first minute or so I became totally relaxed. The best part was everyone laughed when they were supposed to. I received some really, really nice feedback. Thank you for the encouragement! It's an amazing feeling to get up and do something that I have been fearing my entire life."

Yes it is, Beth. Yes it is. I remember playing a scene over and over in my head when I was working so hard to overcome my fears. The scene went like this...

The room would be full of people...at least 50 to 75...and I would walk up to lectern to give my talk. As I approached the lectern, I would turn, look and smile at the audience. I would be calm and relaxed...I would have no stressful reaction (hand shaking, brain freeze, wobbly voice). All would go smoothly and according to plan.

And one day, just as I imagined and believed could happen, the scene unfolded in front of me. I stood at the lectern in front of a group of 50+ women. It worked! It worked!

Today's message is about facing what scares you! Don't let a fear of flying stop you from going to your France.

Instead do something about it....start doing something about it today!

Would love to hear comments from others who have overcome fears and how you did it.

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
http://www.thealertparent.blogspot.com/
info at allynevans.com

Shoot for the Moon

After reading my post about attempting to live happily in the moment, my friend Carolyn Howard-Johnson asked me to talk about regrets. Okay, so some Elvis Presley lyrics come to mind..."Regrets, I've had a few."

Interestingly, I can't think of specifics at this writing. But I can talk in generalities. I regret that for so many years I allowed fear to stop me or slow down my progress.

I used to be afraid of much—mostly the opinions of others. Oh and yes, speaking in public was another one, which included articulating my opinions or ideas. My body had an intense reaction to being in front of others (uncontrollable shaking, rapid heart beat, wobbly voice, scrambled brain) and so I avoided it.

Today, I encourage you to think about what stops you from shooting for your moon. In 2000, I took care of one of my fears and joined Toastmasters. Since then, many of my other fears—the debilitating ones...the ones that stopped me from being proactive—have melted away.

Start with one. I think you'll be surprised how far the first step takes you!

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
allyn at suddenlink.net

First Woman Walks the Lost Arrow Spire Highline

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA3A5RQB1Lk

First Woman Walks Across the Lost Arrow Spire Highline

This video is bound to inspire you!

You're Going to Make It After All

What a fun dream...

Not too long ago I woke up in the middle of the night with the theme song of Mary Tyler Moore playing in my head.

Here's to knowing that you too will "make it after all."

Lessons From My Teacher

Caroline Myss

Update: Something interesting happened to me after writing this initial post. Obviously our earthly teachers, mentors and guides are humans...just like us. As humans we make mistakes and have opinions for starters. By her own admission, Caroline Myss labels herself "obnoxiously opinionated." On this we both agree! However, there are many times that I have not agreed with Caroline Myss. After listening to the taped version of my missed Chicago seminar, I realized just how far apart we are in some basic ideologies. And sometimes her "obnixious opinions" interfered with my ability to absorb a lesson or a point. Certainly, I don't think that was her intention, but nevertheless it's what happened to me.

So, will I continue to claim her as a teacher?

Yes. Yes, I will. Is it okay that I disagree with her? Yes. Yes, it is.

Original Post
She doesn't know she's my teacher. I take that back. Maybe she does. Maybe she saw the roster with my name and the names of 250 other students on it a few weeks ago. Never mind that I never made it to the class in the first place. Remember the failed trip to Chicago?

But surely she knows. Right?

Of course she doesn't know. And the truth is it really doesn't matter. Whether we ever exchange a word or not isn't important because I have learned so much simply by reading my teacher's words and listening to her lectures and radio show. What matters is what I have learned.

Today, while doing some mindless tasks I tuned in to Caroline Myss's most recent radio show archived on HayHouse Radio. During the show, she talked about self-esteem. This piqued my interest because I have been talking to GirlTech students recently about self-esteem.

She told us things I already know, but what I love about my teacher is that she articulates the ideas so beautifully. Makes me want to say: "Yeah, what she said."

Caroline explained to a caller, "Each person has to earn self-esteem." I agree. People don't arrive here fully loaded with or without the self-esteem gene. It's something that living your life helps you grow. Some of us have more challenges than others, sometimes this makes a person grow stronger and sometimes, it leaves one with stuff to overcome. No matter, it's the culmination of our experiences and how we deal with them that develop or destroy our concept of self.

Caroline said something else that interested me. She said, "The illusion is that you get self-esteem by pleasing others." When we think about this we know she's right. An important question to ask ourselves is are we still making desicions because of what the all important others might think? Caroline tells us it's as if we think all this people pleasing activity will eventually rid of us our need for approval. If you continue down this path, the opposite is the result. Our need for approval from others intensifies leaving us without confidence and lost. Before signing off today, Caroline gave us some tips about how to help ourselves and to build self-esteem.

So, I'm sharing a little Caroline Myss wisdom with you. To take steps toward a more powerful you:

1. Release the fear of humiliation.
2. Face your fears.
3. And keep promises you make to yourself.

Hmmmm. I think this is easier than it sounds. As always, though, I am up for trying. And you know what? I'll continue this discussion in a few days or so. We'll start with releasing the fear of humiliation first.

Think you'd like to read some of Caroline's books. I suggest starting with "Anatomy of the Spirit." If you have an illness or health issues, you might benefit from her earlier work, "Why People Don't Heal."

http://www.allynevans.com/
http://www.queenpower.com/