I decided to re-publish one of my favorites. Enjoy.

Hocus Pocus. Abracadabra. Remind you a little of Practical Magic? Witchcraft. Trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Forgive the drama, but unfortunately it’s true. Spells exist. Big spells. Little spells. We live in a world where spells are cast and someone falls prey.

You are probably right now under the influence of more than one spell.

Take a breath—it’s not life threatening. But it is serious. According to Caroline Myss a spell is a mental lock-in. She explained to her Hay House radio listening audience: “What if someone says, ‘You look terrible today?’ You accept the spell. Voilà. You feel terrible all day.”

Mrs. Middleton taught me speech and typing in high school. One day I wore a black t-shirt with jeans to school. She pulled me aside. “Allyn, I must tell you. You look sick when you wear black. Never wear black near your face.” Do I wear black against my face now? Do I have to tell you the answer to that question?

A spell is like a superstition:
“I can’t lose weight.”
“I can’t succeed.”
“I’m stupid.”

Here’s the deal. You have locked into a false belief. FALSE. A superstition. Did a black cat just walk underneath the ladder? Did you break a mirror? You now have seven years of bad luck.

I cringed as I listened to Caroline. Thinking I don’t look good in black. Spell. Believing women over 40 can’t lose weight. Spell.

Here’s what is not a spell: I am five feet, three inches tall. Here’s another … I was born in New Orleans.

Spellcasters don’t have to be witches either. It can be Ms. Middleton, my well-intentioned high school teacher, who was only trying to help. It can be your mom. Your best friend. Your spouse. Spellcasters can have your best interest at heart. Really. Or so they think.

Recently my husband and I attended a school event. We ate lunch with our daughter. Her friend’s parents couldn’t come, and we invited the child to join us. We laughed. Joked. Then it was time to leave.

Later that evening my daughter reported, “Sylvia told me some things about you.” “What?” I asked. You know about curiosity and the cat.

“She said dad is bald and you are a little wide in the hips.” Ouch. Cats are part of spell casting magic. And to think I had been feeling pretty good about my appearance. As much as I tried not to let them, the spell of a nine-year-old girl’s words stung. A child speaks, and I ask, “Are my hips that wide?”

The reality is…spells are cast all the time. Ricocheting from parents, friends, teachers, magazines, movies, commercials, the culture itself—you know, groupthink—and most of us are immediately spellbound.



Hollywood casts spells. TV casts spells. Fashion casts spells. Let’s talk about the popular TV reality show What Not To Wear. Hosts Jillian Hamilton and Clinton Kelly grab unsuspecting victims turned in by friends or family who are only trying to help. Jillian and Clinton give it to them about their lack of fashion sense.

And Jillian and Clinton are NOT nice. They put Little Janie in a room with surround mirrors. Talk about my worst nightmare. They have Little Janie try on her awful clothes and tell her why she looks so terrible. They then send spellstung Little Janie off with $5,000 to get her new look.

When she returns, Janie is told why everything she selected using their rules and expert advice works for her. “See Janie. The flared leg is so much more slimming.” Little Janie, who is now smiling and so pleased with her self, nods in agreement. “Remember those slim cut jeans you used to own. You know the ones we threw in the trash? They made you look 10 pounds heavier.”

Scriiiiitch. Slim cut jeans are back! What does Little Janie do now? Little Janie looks fat in slim cut jeans. The spell has been cast. And the spell has been accepted. How can Janie believe anything else? The famous TV Fashion People told her she looked fat in slim cut jeans.

Even though I don’t know a spell to counter a spell, I do know a place to begin—a way to stop at least one spell. It’s black-t-shirt-buying time. That’s what time it is. And after that it’s time to wear my black t-shirt. And you know what? I’m going to look damn good in it too. Poof. Spell be gone.

Allyn Evans
www.liveapowerfullive.com
www.allynevans.com

Dare to Accept Change

I love this quotation. Unfortunately, I don't know who to give credit to for it. "We can't change what happened, but we can change what is happening now."

Okay. So things aren't going quite like you planned. Maybe you're a little frustrated. Or sad. Maybe you are mad as hell. Doesn't matter. Your emotions—you know how you feel about it—are your first clue.

So now...here's where you pull up your bootstraps and take stock. Not too long ago I read something Bob Monroe wrote about taking stock. I liked the exercise and want to share with you.

He said, "The major underlying cause of human worry relates to the Law of Change....Some worry that change will take place, others that it will not." Think about where you fit. He also reminded us to understand there are things we tend to worry about that are simply out of our control. For example, we can't change the weather no matter how badly we want to have our pic-nic. You cannot control the stockmarket or how someone will react to you or a situation.

To move away from a state of worry or angst consider the following exercise (also attributed to Monroe).

Reality Check:

Make up a list (called list A). Place on this list all your worries and concerns you can't fix, control or change. On this list place all the things you cannot control.

Make up a list (called list B). Place on this list all your worries and concerns that you can do something today.

Make up a list (called list C). Place on this list all your needs, hopes and desires whether large or small, which have yet to be fulfilled.

Now...

Take List A and throw it away. Allow the destroying of this list to be permission to yourself to let go of the worries and concerns you have included.

Take List B and take action today to eleviate some of your stress. Pay attention and do something about at least one issue listed. Simply by acknowledging and making decisions about actions to take, you are making your load lighter.

Take List C and target at least one item to address, whether large or small, that moves you in the direction of your goals and aspirations.

Continue this process until you have no List A, no List B and all of your energy can be focused on List C.

The above is a rather simplistic way to explain. And of course, new things will appear in your life that will need to be added to either List A or B. But if you continue to work the lists and rid yourself of the things that don't serve you and to make decisions about how to handle others, you will find yourself in a much better place...promise.

Here's another exercise you might find useful.

Examine What's Stopping You and What's Pulling At You:

I am afraid of ...
Before I did something about it I had to include things like speaking in public, asking people for favors or asking people to help me or telling people I wanted something from them (like a job or contract work).

I owe _____ money ...
Many do. If you are one of those folks who is feeling squeezed right now, then face it. Put it on paper. Make a plan. Call your creditors and establish payments. Seek advice.

Some other questions to consider—

I feel ...

I want ...

I need ...

I am ...

I weigh ...

Add any other statement you need to wrap up your reality check.

Now that you have a good idea of where you are. Consider what you want to change. Take steps to begin changing it...immediately. Don't think you have to take on each issue at the same time. Pick one to three that are most pressing and start from there. While you do this relax about the rest of it and don't get bogged down in the "how". But most importantly, don't worry too much about the outcome. In time, as you make changes, you WILL find yourself in a different place, which will also need to be evaluated.

Have you ever heard the ship metaphor? Think of it like being the captain of a ship. The compass (okay, it's much more sophisticated than that now, but go with me here) is there to help you stay on course. When you've strayed a little off course (which you always will d0) the compass gives you feedback.

A captain will keep adjusting her course to get to her destination. Consider the feedback you get from your emotions as well as the feedback you get when you evaluate the plans/goals you have made as course adjustments.

"Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever."

—Kerri Russell

Allyn Evans
http://www.allynevans.com/
info at allynevans.com

Technorati Tags:
choices, change, overcoming fear
Add to: Technorati Digg del.icio.us Yahoo BlinkList Spurl reddit Furl

Automated Voice Madness: The Day I Disconnected

Today I talked to Mechanical Lady. This Mechanical Lady was new to me. Oh yes, I've talked to her kin folks both male and female over the years. Most times, I end up frustrated and mad. Today's Mechanical Lady was even a bit tricky.

I called to cancel a magazine subscription I didn't authorize and Mechanical Lady answered. Instead of giving me the option to cancel and get a refund, she said, "Today is your lucky day! You have qualified to receive our magazine for only $5 a year."

That's good news because they charged me $33 to renew.

She continued, "Will you give me approval to refund your money and sign you up for the new subscription to the same magazine for $5?"

I stammered, "Refund only."

"Pardon," she said back.

She patiently repeated the question and I couldn't decide what to do. Saying no might mean starting this conversation from scratch. (If you read the article below, you'll see why I was a bit leery of repeated calling to get my task accomplished.) And I had no intention of saying yes!

So, I did the only thing I could.

I said, "No."

"Hmmmmm," she said. "Well, okay," trying to sound more human. "I have another offer. What if I refund your money and then give you a $5 subscription to a sister magazine. Yes?"

In the end, I was promised almost 100% back. There was some $1.50 processing fee. And I have no new subscription. After our transaction ended, Mechanical Lady kept talking..."I have another offer for you."

I hung up.

A fews years back, I wrote a story about a similar experience. If you want a good laugh, keep reading. Would LOVE to hear your automated madness stories. I bet there are some good ones out there.

More Automated Madness

“All right,” says Mechanical Man in a cheery halting voice. “To get started please say or enter the number you are talking about.”

I say my number.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand. Please….” I repeat the number. We do it a third time.

Then I punch in the numbers.

“Tell me the purpose of your call in a few words. Like I need to change my phone service. Or I want new phone service.”

“Change order.”

“Would you like to cancel, change or review your order?”

“Change.”

“I’m sorry first you must pay your overdue bill.”

“I don’t owe any money.”

“Pardon.” Silence. “Let me access your records. Yes, your account is paid in full.”

“I know.” I am screaming at Mechanical Man.

“Pardon? I did not understand. Would you like to speak to a customer service representative about your account?”

“Yes.”

“Please hold.”

I hold. I hear nothing. I cuss under my breath just hoping those friendly little recording devices are recording my customer dissatisfaction. Then I hear beep, beep, beep, beep.

I slam down the phone and try again. I do this six times. Six times. Mechanical Man tells me I have called many times before. “Is this about an unresolved issue?”

You bet your sweet….

Finally, after going through the can’t-help-you-till-you-pay-your-bill-and-yep-your-bill-is-paid-in-full cycle again (now we’re on call number seven), I finally get through. “Hello, Collections. How may I help you?”

Agggghhhhh!

“I don’t owe money. The system says I owe money and then says I don’t owe money and then transfers me to you.”

“You don’t owe money.”

“I know!”

“I’ll transfer you to customer service.”

Fast forward ten minutes later—yes, ten minutes! “Hello, how may I help you?” says Rude Phone Guy.

“I need to cancel a work order I made yesterday.”

“Sorry, ma’am. You can’t do that. You have to let them come out and install and then cancel. You will not be charged.”

Was I hearing this right? “Are you sure,” I kept asking. “This doesn’t make sense.”

“Yes ma’am. I’m sure. Call us after it’s installed.” Eventually I consent. I tell Rude Phone Guy to transfer me. (Maybe I should call him Saving Your Company Lots of Money Guy instead.) He does.

I have more than one piece of business to handle with this conglomerate.

“May I help you?” Sweet Internet Lady says.

Finally, a nice person of good cheer who seems interested in being helpful. She cancels my order and goes so far as to give me special tips so that I wouldn’t be penalized later. How nice. Then she says, “Have I done everything possible to serve you in the best way?”

I mumble “Yes” in a grumpy, irritated voice. I’m thinking to myself if she ONLY knew. She doesn’t because I don’t tell her. I am tired of talking.

“You may be called later and asked about your experience. Please let them know how pleased you are.”

Sure.

I have one more step to complete this day before being fully disentangled from my worst nightmare. What the hell had I been thinking? The Sign Up Guy I had talked to the previous day was GOOD. Even though he couldn’t see me, he knew I had sucker written all over my face. I am wondering why I have to talk to three different people when smooth Sign Up Guy did it all for me with one magic press of a key.

I call the final number. Surprisingly, a real person comes on line quickly. No Mechanical Guy for this bunch. I only have to wait about three minutes. Talk about excitement! I start talking. I start explaining. I want to disconnect! Yes, disconnect.

“What’s your name?”

“Allyn.”

“You’re not Greg?”

“I’m his wife.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, you can’t order the disconnect because the account is not in your name,” says Nasty Satellite Guy.

“I made the initial order—just yesterday. What do you mean I can’t cancel it?”

“Sorry. You can’t.”

I argue. It doesn’t help.

Dang, I think. Now I get the pleasure of calling my husband and telling him he gets to call and cancel an order he never made. He’s going to love this. He especially loves being pulled into dramas not of his own making. Don’t we all? So I tell this guy. “He’s going to be so mad about this.” Like Nasty Satellite Guy really cares.

“We’re open 24/7 for your convenience,” he says.

“My convenience would be if you’d let me cancel this service.” And I can’t stop. I have been at this all morning. Mechanical Man, Rude Phone Guy, Sweet Internet Lady and now Nasty Satellite Guy. “My husband’s going to be so mad,” I keep saying. And then I do something I just don’t do. I unleash on Nasty Satellite Guy. Hours and hours of pent-up frustration come pouring out. Heck, I think he even gets a little of the previous week’s anger. At first he argues back, which I find odd. Then he stops. Finally my tirade passes. I have the last word. I hang up.

A few days later, we decide to cancel a program we have with a major credit card company. Again, I am not Greg and again they refuse to talk to me despite the fact that a person named Greg had called in and given them permission to talk to me. It is on record.

“Sorry, ma’am. Canceling the card is not covered under the permission.”

I hold my breath.

This time I refuse to pull my hubby into the drama. I sat down and wrote a letter. I ask for the account to be cancelled and sign it Greg.

Guess what? The notice of cancellation arrived in the mail today. In the note is included the request signed by none other than Greg. NOT. I feel like calling Mechanical Man

Allyn Evans
info at allynevans.com
www.allynevans.com


Add to: | Technorati | Digg | del.icio.us | Yahoo | BlinkList | Spurl | reddit | Furl |