Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Oh Where Oh Where Did My Mean Voice Go?

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Oh where oh where can She be?

She’s still hanging around, but her power is diffused. Remember, it took me six years to get her under wraps. Here’s hoping that you have a much shorter ride.

Remember it’s not about quieting the mind. In the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying Sogyal Rinpoche says: “By its very nature, the mind cannot be still—cannot be silent. Thus the dichotomy—and the frustration—the creation of another self inflicting weapon of inadequacy.”

What did I do? First I became aware. Yes, it’s been established that I had a Mean Voice—a powerful mean voice—at work in my life. What about you? Did you take the Self-Bash challenge?

Step Two: Create Replacement Statements.

For the mean voice change things like:
"I am stupid" to “Life is all about learning.”
"I am fat" to “I’m making healthy choices now.” If you are not, though, don’t use this one.
Maybe instead say: “Acceptance is the first step.” Or, “I like me.” Or, if you can’t say you love yourself, then you can think more about the function of your body. “My body is my friend.”

The key is choice. Don't grapple with your inner critic. Simply notice her fully, and then choose to redirect your awareness—or not.

Mean Voice taming takes time and effort just like improving your ability to paint or play tennis. The good news is…practice works. If you keep at it eventually the mean voice will be background white noise and you will become an expert in inserting your replacement phrases.

So, it is worth it to take on your Mean Voice? YES. YES. YES.

What’s waiting at the end of this road?

As far as my own personal journey…
Identifying and then taming my own mean voice was the first step I took towards living the life I desired. I slowly, but surely stopped second guessing myself.

When you stop being directed by your mean voice, which can happen I promise, you are happier and more at peace. Stopping the onslaught of negativity meant I could finally have the confidence and COURAGE to move forward towards my own goals and dreams. And I did. With each step I grew stronger and more directed.

Life Coach Sondra Kornblatt claims:
“While your Critic won't disappear, you can change your relationship to it. Instead of being an inescapable wall, you learn to see your Critic as boulders (rocks, stones) in a field. You can move around or climb over them! Your true self finds its flow.”

What’s next? After you clean up your inner critic, then you can begin to tap in to your intuition—you can hone your ability to “hear” your internal guidance and walk the path you were put here to take. Oh, another great topic for later!

Allyn Evans


Anonymous said...

I've found that my mean voice goes away (the one that says I don't want to go to a cocktail party because I feel ill at ease) if I focus on the others (who probably feel the same way) instead of myself. Find someone else who's alone in the room and tell her (or him) how pretty she looks.

I've also worked affirmations.

BTW, Allyn. You have a very nice voice with others!


Anonymous said...

Nice article!


Prill Boyle said...

I love Rinpoche's statement that the mind, by its nature, cannot be silenced. The key phrase here is "by its nature." That's why replacement statements work so well for some people. (Tomorrow I’m going to blog about using laughter as another type of replacement.) Meditation, of course, can also be an effective tool for calming one’s thoughts.


Camellia said...

Actually your mean voice is a guide...if you are listening to what it tells you, then you can figure out what it is you want, which is always a positive position. And the negative voice is patterning your synapsis to look for the negative. So, yes, changing that thought is changing your mind. Nice work, Allyn.

Beth Blair (desertmama) said...

Ohhh, terrific post and great quote by Kornblatt.

Carolyn Howard-Johnson said...

I agree. That territorial thing is built into us. The beauty of being human is that we can recognize it and do something about it. The horror of being human is that we see all around us people who aren't utilizing their ability to do that. Would that the whole world could read your blog, Ally.
To hummingbirds, teachers extroardinaire!

Anonymous said...

Good thoughts! We all need to remember that a thought voiced can never be taken back. So let my mouth and the meditation of my heart always be filled with joyful sounds.

Jewel Sample said...

There is definitly power in the tongue/inner voice. I learned long ago to take my personal power back. So, when I hear "mean words" I imagine myself walking over and crabing the stick (mean words) that is being used to beat me up and using it as a walking stick to where I need to go.
And I accentuate the postive with meditation.
Great topic!