Do You Know Where You Are Going To?

Last night I watched The Family That Preys featuring Kathy Bates as a socialite and well-to-do Charlotte Cartwright.

Near the end of the movie one of the characters (Alice) played by Alfre Woodward gives the eulogy at Charlotte's funeral.

Alice repeated something she often heard Charlotte say to her, "Are you living or just existing?"

I realized the minute I heard it. "Oh dear. Here comes an important message. Are you listening?"

I hope you'll give this question some thought. Maybe, for you, it's the right message at the right time.

Another powerful message delivered by Bates' character came through lyrics of song. Using the words from Lee Ann Womack's song "I Hope You Dance," Charlotte encouraged Alice to make fun choices.

Quite possibly the most haunting lines of the song are the key message: "Tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder where those years have gone." And just like Charlotte and Lee Ann, "I hope you dance." But I want to add one more ingredient to this recipe. "I hope you dance. Now."

Recently, I have been teaching teens and young adults how to be assertive and manage conflict in their lives.

As I am repeating the lessons, I am also reminding myself to use clear and direct communication with others.

For years, I didn’t do this. I found more comfort using a passive aggressive route, which meant if I wasn’t getting my needs or wants met, I’d find more manipulative ways to do so. Or even worse, I wouldn’t tell anyone and wouldn’t make any attempt—manipulative or not—to get my needs or wants met.

Now, when I realize it’s time to voice something, I find it much easier to do. I’m sure being older and more experienced helps.

As I told the over thirty students I visited with this past week: “Don’t wait to become assertive. Don’t wait to start communicating in a clear and direct manner. Start now. Take small steps. Begin now to build your assertiveness muscle.”

Tell the young people in your life this message. It will save them lots of heartache and pain.

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